A couple of nights ago, I had a dream in which I returned to the house of my earliest childhood memories. What I remember most about the dream was that the house was fundamentally, structurally different than I remembered, and that I cried almost the whole time I was in the house. I wasn’t scared or sad, just crying with no emotional affect.
I woke up and thought it odd, but didn’t ascribe any deeper meaning to it. Brains are marvelously complex and strange, after all.
Then, today, I was doing my reddit thing and came across a thread asking what disease/condition people (ostensibly medical professionals) fear getting most. About two-thirds of the way down the page, someone talks about the excruciating pain of pancreatic cancer patients and I lost it.
My dad never let on that he was in pain, but he wouldn’t have wanted me to know anyway. I started thinking about his dying process: how he stopped eating, talking, and walking, then slipping between sleep states and fugue states until his body died. I remembered how helpless I felt as he slipped away too quickly and slowly at the same time. And I cried.
I miss my dad so much, and it’s not what I expected at all. I function and my life goes on. It’s like I forget that I can’t hear him laugh ever again. And then I think of him, or see someone who could be him from the back, and the remembering floods in.
I understand my dream. You can never go home again.
How is it that I can’t pull off a neat French braid for school when I have all the grooming tools and all of the time, but I can crack one out with my fingers in three minutes when she’s going to play in the rain? Am I overthinking it somehow? Don’t get me wrong, there’s room to improve, but this is much better than my usual results.
2. This was a gross underestimation; I’ve logged 90 already.
3. Working on it.
4. Being mindful.
5. Got my fabric stash and machine ready to go…whenever I don’t have a million more important things to do.
6. I can do my own hair but Phia’s is a little trickier.
7. Um, there are a LOT of trees in my backyard and the beard doesn’t like the idea of a front garden. So, maybe?
8. Just have to agree where we’re building a run.
9. Does this count?
10. Easy peasy. Phia and me both.
11. Work in progress, as ever.
12. Haha, haven’t even thought about this one. Busy year so far.
13. Yes. Yesyesyes. 1/2 gallon minimum 90% of the time.
14. a.k.a. give up control a little. It won’t kill you.
I’m sorry but I had to reblog this. This book is basically the book I needed as a kid instead of realizing all of those things the hard way~
My future children will have this
Must get this book.
Every child should have a copy.
While changing my clothes, I tossed my old bra to the side and was surprised by a loud “YA-HOO-EY!” My discarded undergarment landed in just the right way to trigger one of Voyeur Elmo’s motion activated catchphrases. I’m glad he had something nice to say, instead of just laughing.
is this supposed to change my mind because it didn’t
if he wanted it pronounced like that, he should have spelled it like that. That’s what the peanut butter people did.
i’ve always said it like “jif”
I don’t even care. It’s hard-g “gif” for me because it’s “graphics interchange format”, not “jraphics interchange format”.